So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
