I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize