If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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