I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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