so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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