2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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