so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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