I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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