I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
