Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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