that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
