one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
