conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
