Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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