I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
