idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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