But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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