I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
