We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
