just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
