is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
