your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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