if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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