dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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