Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
