You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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