i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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