i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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