I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need to stop coming to work sober
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
