She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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