Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
