Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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