You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
