I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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