I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize