My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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