fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
