Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
