It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
