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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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