She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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