I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
