that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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