I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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