is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
