Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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