why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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