guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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