I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
