Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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