Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
