It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
