She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
