i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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