It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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