Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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