we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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