sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
