piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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