Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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