I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
