I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
