can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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