So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
