I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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