All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
