Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
