Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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