apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
