Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
