Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this hospital has no fireball
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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