Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize