Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
