It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
