i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
