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Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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