just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
