i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
