You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
