At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
