dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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