He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
