she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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