she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
