I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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