I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
