At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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