the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
