if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
