Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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