I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
