I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
